She is in my trunk
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
