He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
