if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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