the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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