How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
