I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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