when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
