I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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