this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
