Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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