my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
