My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
