I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
