I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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