Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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