Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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