All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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