haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
