i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
