you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
