im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
