im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
