i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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