you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
