I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
