This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
