Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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