Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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