Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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