so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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