We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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