were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
So gin and wine won't be happening again
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
