using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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