mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
