Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
