Three words: puerto rican gang bang
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
