There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
