just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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