You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
