she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
