So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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