who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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