i was rollin on her like bob the builder
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
