you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
