Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
