You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
