I feel great
I just peed on a car
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
And then my night got REAL pukey
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
