i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
