Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
