well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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