And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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