I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
