32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Randomize
